Posted in Appointments

Transition meeting Pt. 1

I think terrified is the best way to describe how I am feeling about William transitioning into ab school setting from his nursery. The fear keeps me awake at night as I toss and turn thinking about how he will handle a new environment and different levels of support. When I think that his days at his amazing nursery are numbered it genuinely makes my sad.

This was William just over 2 years ago on his first day at nursery, he looks so young and baby faced. He loved it whilst I sat at home and cried. I didn’t think anyone could look after my child as well as I could but I was wrong… Over the last 2 years they have helped William and myself in more ways that I could have ever anticipated, they helped me understand some of his educational needs and pushed us through the right channels for support, funding and diagnosis. Thinking that his last days are slowly coming upon us brings tears to my eye, not a single tear or quiet tears but messy heartbroken sobs. I know it is almost time for him to continue on his educational journey but i’m not quite ready to say goodbye to them 😭😭😭

Today was part one of the transition meetings to get William into the right school with the right support. Unfortunately we still haven’t received his draft EHCP however we are aware that he has been banded as intensive for the level of support he needs which is the top level. Below are the definition and school needs for children branded due to Speech, Language and Communication difficulties as Intensive or severe provided by Hull Local Offer. William easily fits into the ‘Intensive’ category however after discussing with his SENCO; Lisa, he would standardly have been placed in ‘severe’ had he have been going to a specialised school as his level of support would have been less within that environment.

LevelDescriptorsCurriculum needs
SevereVery severe expressive and/or receptive language difficulties of a specific nature, which are significantly impacting on progress and social, emotional, and behavioural development. Child/young person of broadly average ability.
or
child/young person with a very severe communication disorder, which is significantly impacting on progress and social, emotional and behavioural development.
or
child/young person’s ability to receive communication is severely limited due to a language disorder or a profound difficulty in interpersonal interaction.   Child/young person may have emerging mental health difficulties and/or experience a high level of anxiety in most school situations.
Intensive programmes to develop understanding of language, expressive language, speech intelligibility and/or social communication skills. Intensive programmes to help the child/young person develop alternative or augmentative means of communication to a level commensurate with level of ability. Differentiated programmes of study to facilitate interaction with the curriculum either by oral, signing, symbol or written systems. Programmes of support to enable the child/young person to become competent users of communication aids / technology.  
IntensiveProfound speech, language and communication needs as a result of which a child at school entry age is only likely to function below the 12-month level in relation to these skills.
and
child/young person uses primitive gestures, a few signs/symbols and/or has almost no spoken language.
and
child/young person is unable to form words or make adequate use of augmentative systems of communication.
and
child/young person has severe limitations in the expression of intentional communication. or child/young person has significant physical difficulties, with less cognitive impairment, which require voice output communication aids.   The child/young person may have an accumulation of layered needs, which could include mental health, relationships, behavioural, physical, medical, sensory, communication & cognitive needs.
Child/young person needs very early (infant) developmental programmes in relation to language/communication. Child/young person requires intensive training to acquire the limited use of means of alternative communication systems (e.g., signs/symbols systems). Child/young person requires intensive programmes to develop pre-lingual articulatory skills (i.e., formation of sounds in words). Child/young person needs programmes of work which recognises their high level of dependency in relation to language and communication. Intensive programmes of support to enable the child/young person to become competent users of communication aids / technology.  

The guest stars in todays transition meeting
* Lisa – SENCO
* Jenny – Specialised school representative
* Zara – Williams 1:1 support from nursery
* Chris – Head of chosen mainstream school
* Me – Mom, stress head, emotional wreck etc

For those who has tuned in to my blog before will notice Val isn’t listed as Williams 1:1 support, sadly Val decided to take partial retirement which means she no longer works Williams days. This did make me very sad as Val is amazing with William (Please feel free to remember when I pitched a fit because he left Linda to go to Val 🤣 I soon ate my words about that one) however William loves Zara and she has been in the sunshine room with him all along so i am quite happy with the change and happy for val to have some well deserved rest.

I got to meet the head of our chosen mainstream school today and she seems very similar to the head teacher who was in place when I attentended in the 90’s. She asked me to tell her about William, nothing specific but my view on what he is like as a child. I got a little emotional explaining how loving he is in his own ways but it was nice to be asked, not about his development or what he can and cant do but about how he is as my son.

Our chosen mainstream has two classes for Williams age group with each having 30 children, he is currently in a setting of only 8 kids so the transition may be a big shock for him, the plan is currently to aim to start this by the autumn term which is October/November rather than the standard September term. It will be easier for William to adapt to his new setting if he is eased into it slowly, starting out with shorter days or weeks which are to be agreed once his EHCP is in place. When this finally does come through I can name our chosen school with the view of a specialised setting in the future (ideally the following year🙏🏻)
On top of the EHCP naming I am also following the standardised appeal process to cover all bases to ensure we don’t have another crushing disappointment like we did when it came to specialised school allocations but i’m not holding my breath. Any parent of a child with special needs will tell you how fucked up the system is and how you get used to being let down by a system that is supposed to ensure your child has the best possible care.

As always I will keep you posted on what is to come and stay tuned for a catch up on other things that have happened within the last few months 😊

Much Love M.x

Posted in Appointments

Moderating in time

Today was the day in which I should have had an update about Williams EHCP, I should have been able to figure out what the next steps are going to be for Williams education and find out if that slim chance of a special school allocation was within our grasp.

However today was not that day. No days are the days they should be and I an beginning to learn this… I need to prepare myself for these things as they happen all the time and yet continue to knock me for six. As parents we shouldn’t be continuously let down by those who are supposed to support our children and adhere to timescales laid out by themselves.

The EHCP has not gone to the moderators… Still! This is because the medical report needed and the Speech and language report have still not been received. These should have been submitted by 15th of February and its now 4th March 🙄😡

So now we are back in the waiting game… Next week or the one after. Who even knows?!

Posted in Brief updates

School allocations

I don’t even know where to start! I don’t even know where to begin this post other than saying everything is fucked!

Yesterday was the legal deadline for allocations for special school, I had waited for what felt like an eternity already, the night before I barely slept and for the full day I felt sick and emotional… I chased them at 2pm to be told my caseworker would be calling me back once the allocations were ready. By 4:30 I was beside myself and asked Williams dad to chase as I didn’t want to keep pestering them (always a nice person and doesn’t get me anywhere!)
Shocking horror! Our caseworker is on annual leave! Who the fuck takes annual leave at such a pivotal time in their office… Mark does! That’s who!

5:30 roles around and Elaine calls me….

William wasn’t on the list of allocations!

What? That cant be right… we were assured he was on the list. Elaine explains that as he doesn’t have an EHCP in place he would never have been on the list but we were told it didn’t matter. I pushed for months to get the process started earlier but due to Covid was told it wasn’t possible. I questioned if it would be an issue to be told it would not… ALL FUCKING LIES!

To say I wasn’t angry and devastated last night would be a huge understatement; I cried uncontrollably for about 3 hours, ranted at Williams dad, my mom and friends and smashed up some old furniture before taking the dog on what I can only describe as a walk in which I felt like I needed to punish the pavement. I needed to get out the feelings of despair so that I could face today as super mom because yesterday I felt exhausted… I felt too tired of all this hard work to get shit on, too tired of fighting to get what is best (but then I have always been a melodramatic kind of girl 🤣

I had to wait until today to speak to our senco; Lisa. She found out yesterday that William wasn’t discussed at applications and apparently had a meeting with her line manager and the head of the Hull SEND team Caroline Scott to discuss Williams options. It would have been fucking amazing if they could have called me first so I didn’t spend a full day waiting on something that wasn’t even going to happen!

His EHCP will be confirmed 3rd of March and there is an exceptionally slim chance they may allocate him a special school during that process but I am not holding my breath as I don’t think I believe a word of it anymore.

I have a meeting on 4th March to discuss this other meeting 🙄 and it looks like our options will be the following…


* Keep him in nursery until the term after he turns five – although he gets funding for nursery it still costs me a lot of money each month for his 2 days and paying full costs for 3 additional days is financially out of the question.

* Home school – we both work which would make this difficult but not impossible however it is the interaction he will miss out on which will not help him develop his communication skills.

* Mainstream with a watertight EHCP – I never wanted mainstream as the environment isn’t right for William and his mental health but this may be our only option until special school allocations next year. I would be able to name a set school on his EHCP and I have done research however I just don’t know if this is best.

I will keep you posted on any further developments.

Much love, M xx

Posted in autism and covid19

Lockdown 3.0

It’s a strange time for everyone at the moment, no one wanted another national lockdown, but it was inevitable, and I do believe it’s for the best. I thought that after the new year I could get a little bit of my life back and can start having one but that will have to wait.

The problem with being alone is it gives you time to think and over analyse things such as school!! All the applications are in, the EHCP is in process and now I can only sit and wait and that is the bit I can’t cope with. The decision on special schools is usually made by the end of January so I should hear something no later than the middle of February but I’m now worried that they may be running behind on it because of Covid and I don’t think I can take it; the wait is already driving me crazy. If I go for worst case scenario which is middle of February, then its 35 days to wait. 35 days of freaking out about if he is going to get a place he so desperately needs and if he doesn’t, it’s even further away until the middle of April for mainstream allocations. I want to be optimistic, his EHCP is 90 pages long, his issues are profound and complex, and all parties involved have agreed it would be the best place for him but what if it just doesn’t happen? I have a whole new scenario to stress about. For someone who has lists about lists its really difficult to be able to plan for events you have no control over.

That’s exactly how I feel kid…

On a positive note, I have finished my level 2 in autism understanding and am awaiting my tutor to confirm if she passes the second module. I do feel confident about it to be honest and really enjoyed doing it, once my pass certificate arrives, I think I may do more, I have already scoped out two further courses; level 2 in challenging behaviour and a level 2 in learning difficulties, I think they will both come in handy for when I pick up some volunteer work when William starts school.

William is doing really well in his development; his eye contact has improved drastically, and he is getting very good at object exchange to show me what he wants. He even takes his own pots into the kitchen and only throw them about 10% of the time 😂 I know it doesn’t seem like a lot but to me it is amazing. To me a few seconds of eye contact can bring tears to my eyes.


We did have a few bad nights recently as William had some bowel issues 💩, he ended up in my bed for over three hours crying and needing me to rub his tummy. I wish I could take his issues away and make him feel better when he’s in pain.

I’m so grateful that nursery is still open during this lockdown as I am not sure how I would be able to work and look after him as he needs constant supervision. My head tells me that I should have made the decision to keep him off to protect us from potential contact with Covid but the disruption of his routine would also be hard on him and he has had enough of that recently. If possible I want things to remain normal for him.

We have lots of messy play planned for lockdown which I’m really excited about but may regret deeply 😂 We tried out slime in the bathtub which was super fun messy but totally worth it to see Williams face, not so much the having to clean the tub part.

Next on the list is finger painting so wish my upholstery good luck 🍀

Posted in Appointments

TAF Meeting… Part 4

So let me just take a moment to acknowledge how difficult things have been recently, William is sleeping less than usual and seems to be having more issues with his bowels than ever before… this means a grumpy, exhausted and sometimes hangry mummy at the best of times. Why did I chose before christmas to go on a diet. I’m missing out on soooooo many boxes of celebrations 😭

One of our many ‘stupid o’clock’ snuggles
One of us is wide awake and it’s not me!


As someone who is not afraid to state that I am a pessimist, very neurotic and an overthink you can imagine how I feel going into any meetings and today I was filled with the same amount of dread, not because they’re awful but because no matter how prepared I think I am it never feels enough, at least emotionally.
There we go… self pity over with. 🙃

The meeting was attended by one of the wonderful ladies who work in the special needs room at William’s nursery, the early years senco and myself… a smaller audience than last time but that isn’t always a bad thing.

Williams EHCP has been agreed to be assessed!!! 🎉🎉🎉 a huge relief that we havce gotten over the first hurdle and I don’t have to take it to appeal. It is now with the moderators and I am awaiting the educational psychologist to reach out and conduct their own assesments on William, after that has been done it will go back to the moderators who will band his assesment as either intensive, severe, high or support plan only and some time after that we will be sent the draft to approve. It feels like it has taken a long time to get to this point and even though we aren’t quite there yet it is a step in the right direction.

I love a good table so here is one showing Williams improvement over the last 6 months… Just look at all that green!!!! 🤭

Area of DevelopmentPrevious age rangeNew age range
Making Relationships0-11 Months8-20 Months
Self Confidence & Self Awareness0-11 Months8-20 Months
Managing Feelings & Behaviours0-11 Months8-20 Months
Listening & Attention0-11 Months8-20 Months
Understanding0-11 Months8-20 Months
Speech0-11 Months0-11 Months
Moving & Handling0-11 Months16-26 Months
Health & Self Care0-11 Months0-11 Months

The nursery has advised there has been a little bit of a regression recently and I had to explain about all the changes at home which they understood and will put a plan in place going forward which is amazing, they are brilliant with him and I would recommend them to anyone.

I didn’t want to send William to a mainstream school, I felt it was admitting that a mainstream school can accommodate his needs and I don’t believe they can however today a little bit of reality hit me… I had discussed with William’s dad about keeping him out of school until he gets a place within a special school, it would mean we would have to rely on each other for child care in order for us both to work but we said we would do it however when I mentioned this at the meeting, the senco told me he may not get a place this year, next year or the one after and because their allocations are needs based there is no guessing the outcome. I knew… deep down I did know that it was a possibility but hearing it outloud was hard, I cried (thank god my webcam wasn’t on 🎥) I was very vocal at admitting that I don’t think myself or William are ready for this next big step. It took me two years to send him to nursery!
However putting that aside, I have chosen three schools based on recommendations on their SEN facilities and Ofsted reports and when I am ready I will submit his application, its not due until 15th Jan so I may not be ready until Jan 14th but… I will do it because it is what is right. I think deciding to keep him out of school for a year was a big step but if there is no definitive end date then it is simply impractical and unfair on William. They have told me that they will continue to ensure William is thoroughly supported no matter the setting which based on the senco’s promises previous I 100% believe.
We have a meeting penciled in for March to discuss his transition from nursery to school as I ideally want to increase his days at nursery after easter so that it isn’t too much of a shock for him going to 5 full days.

Special school allocations are announced the end of January/February and mainstream are announced mid April so I will have time to prepare no matter the outcome but it is going to be a long couple of months.

I want to end on a laugh so let me tell you about William’s girlfriends at nursery…
William doesn’t really interact with other children however there is a girl in his class at nursery and she has has taken a liking to him and hugs him really tight every time she sees him to the point his key workers have to pry her off either so she doesn’t strangle him or after William gives them the ‘help me’ look.🤗
So girl 2 doesn’t like William but she does like the sofa he has claimed in the reading nook, William doesn’t want to share his sofa so what the ladies do is seat them at separate ends of it. The girl is fine and quite happy but not for long… William lays all over her until she gets upset and then he laughs! and my mom tells me off for calling him a psychopath! 😂

Much Love M.x

Posted in Appointments, autism and covid19

PCP Meeting… Covid-19 edition. Pt2

First thing is first… Today is my birthday, I am officially 21 31. I don’t usually take the day off for my birthday however we had another PCP meeting so I thought Why not?
I am currently sat in my front garden on my old sofa in the sunshine (yes we are those neighbours but they are getting collected this week so its not that bad)

As you can see William has already claimed the best seat in the house.

The meeting attendees were myself & David, Jenny who is the who is part of the SLD outreach team for tweendykes, louise; our new health visitor, Lisa the early yars SENCO & Courtney who is acting manager at our nursery.

Just like the last PCP meeting this was to discuss and review Williams support plan to sed away for his EHCP. This will be finalised within a week for us to sign and agree ready to be sent off.

What we did find out is the next steps which is interesting….

  • It will first go to moderators who will asses the plan for 6 weeks(Who can decline it 😣)
  • Then it will be passed to educational psychologists who will carry out further assessments and potentially add to the plan
  • Between weeks 14-16 it will go back to the moderators
  • Then we will be sent a draft EHCP which we will have for 2 weeks to check and request any changes. At this point we can name a school.
    This will be banded at *Intensive *Severe *High or *Support
  • Then finally it will go back to the moderators who put all children wanting a place at a special school onto a big list and allocate places based on need and what they feel is the best fit for each child and their requirements. We should find out by the end of January 2021, which isn’t that far away when you think about it.

William isn’t automatically guaranteed to be entitled to a place in a special school so Lisa has advised us to look into the facilities the local mainstream schools have available in our area to have in mind as a back up so we will be reaching out to those shortly and will keep you posted about our findings. This for us would be worst case scenario as we know based on his GDD that a mainstream school is not the right environment for him to be able to continue to grow and learn so hopefully it wont come to that.

We have a TAF meeting due end of November/December to look at Williams funding in which we will also discuss the progress of the ECHP.

Anyway I’m off to eat copious amounts of cake and re-watch Harry Potter for the millionth time, you cant beat a good birthday tradition 🎂

Much Love, The Buckleys 😘