Posted in Emotions

Friendships

I was thinking today about the things in life we may take for granted and to be honest the list is quite long, but I’ve settled on friends. I don’t mean that we take for granted our friendships but the fact we have them at all.

I for one always thought that I struggled to make friends but then I look around me and back at the past. I may not have a large group of friends, but I have a really good selection. I know if I picked up the phone and called one of them for anything that they would be there and that’s something that some people don’t have. My forever friends aren’t all from the same pats of my life but rather from different times, which shows just how true they are. True friends don’t stay with you because you do the same things or know the same people. They stay because it feels right.

I remember being younger and playing with friends in primary school, partaking in every craze going, Pokémon, yo-yos, crazy bones, and everything else our parents probably hated. We ran around in our summer dresses pretending to be the spice girls whilst obsessively collecting their collectable photos for the album.

Why could I Not do the peace sign?
(Far Left)

I remember growing up down a little cul-de-sac and all the kids were of similar ages, I suppose that’s the advantage of moving into a new build area. Everyone buys their first homes and starts families, I guess. We played out from the moment someone knocked on our door and asked our parents if we were allowed, we didn’t leave the cul-de-sac and came home when the streetlights came on. We spent hours with our dollies pretending we were parents and hours with our craft sets playing at being teachers. Summers spent on the playing field at the top of the street building forts and treehouses, not letting the boys play with our girl gang and Barbies, hundred of Barbies with missing shoes and as we got into our teenage and stopped playing out, we would still come together like friends and neighbours do.

Apparently I was immune to the cold weather.
(Third from the left)

As a teenager, I remember hanging around in my local park or friends back gardens whose parents were more laid back than mine. We would drink awful cheap cider and acted like mini adults. We partied, we drank, we smoked and stayed up late talking about absolute rubbish, thinking we were older than we were and worried about problems that seemed huge at the time but minuscule now.

Obviously there was some very poor quality cameras on the go back then.
(Third from the left)

As an early adult, like most do we drank, we partied and went out three or four nights a week, fuck paying the bills and being on time for work when we can have fun. We were stupid and immature and thought that because we were of adult age we could look after ourselves, but we were wrong. We weren’t ready for the things that life threw at us and we suffered for it.

Macys next to the portland hotel… 2 for 1 drinks to start the night.
(Back right)

We flicked between friend groups and changed our interests to fit in, as someone who doesn’t drive (I am learning… slowly all these years later) would you ever think I belong to a car club? No? well I did. We drove around for hours every night. Parked up in car parks and down quiet streets and probably irritated all the local residents, we camped out in little Ford Kas and Corsa’s and went to rallies and shows. We worked on cars in driveways, kitchens and anywhere you could. I knew what engines were in what cars, despite what insurance certificates said. If we look at youngsters driving now, they’re all driving financed new cars. Where is the pride of building up your own clapped-out banger and adding a spoiler?

Donnington show, free cans of Monster were thrown at us from a monster truck
(Next to the guy in the daft black hat on the left)

As time went on, I grew more responsible and got my own place, focused more at work but still partied on the weekends. Slipping into new friend groups with ease. We spent weekends partying at the beach camping and drinking, listening to live bands, we swam in the dirty ocean without worrying about disease and would stay up hours chatting about life and what we want in the future unaware that we were already living our futures as we partied.

P on the Beach
(Far left)

And then all of a sudden, we are full on adults, proper homes, proper jobs, responsibilities, beautiful children, marriages, divorces, and challenges that we fight and battle every day. We can come together when we all have time but it’s so difficult to schedule anything, but it doesn’t matter. We have different friends with different interest. Some will go to harry potter quiz night, some will come to your house for a cup of tea to sit and put the world to right, some will dye your hair, some you won’t see in months or even years but when you finally do it’s like you have never been apart.

Celebrating my birthday
(Far right)

My point of this is to say that over the years I have had many friend groups and found it relatively easy. Some came from location, some from work, some from circumstance but it was easy but what if it wasn’t? I look at William who is always alone, it doesn’t seem to bother him, but I wonder if he knows he doesn’t have friends, I wonder if it’s something he wants but he doesn’t know how to get it.  Does he see children playing together and want it but it’s too hard for him? Or is it just something I want for him? I think about the children in his class and how they can interact with each other, and I want that for William. I want him to experience friendships, even the ones that crash and burn, the ones that you realise are one sided and the ones you will remember and cherish forever.

For now, William is happy on his own or at least I think he is. He’s so inside his own head and I would give up everything I have just to know what he is thinking. Is his inner voice as cute as the fleeting moments I’ve heard his real voice? Does his inner voice feel trapped within his disabilities? He forms connections with adults easily, I mean let be serious we have all seen him and Big Nan and that’s love and kinship, so he is capable, does he maybe just not like other children? Do they not engage with him in the way he likes or understands? Is that why he ignores them?

Boys best friend?

I look at this picture and he loves his dog, and Rusty loves him but is it enough? I will always be William’s mom; his advocate and I would like to think I will always be his best friend, but I do want more for him. I want what I had? What most people had?
William’s dad and I have booked his first proper birthday party for next year and we will be inviting his whole class which I am very much looking forward to, but I have this feeling that William won’t notice if his classmates are there or not. He will be more focused on Big Nan, his dad and his partner or me and Liam. I guess until we try these things, we just don’t know but I want him to have a friend. I want playdates and sleepovers and I guess in a way I want him to want that too.

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Posted in Events & Holidays

Family Holiday

As many of you will be aware we have recently been on a big family holiday for the first time in 2 years and as you can imagine things with William have changed greatly since our last vacation.
I love getting together with our family but as anyone will be aware it can be stressful; throw an autistic child in the mix and it can be nuclear which meant my stress levels peaked before we had even left the house.
‘What can he cope without?’
‘What if he smears whilst we are there?’
‘What if he cant handle it being around so many people?’

I know it sounds a little crazy as my mum and dad were there and he loves them both so much and my dad will babysit when I was office based, my sister and niece were there and he loves his Auntie Nellen (or H to everyone else, the letter H doesn’t exist in Kingston upon Ull. ⚙Yes the cog used to be our logo 🙄) Big nanna came for the first time and we all know what an amazing bond they have and finally his Uncle Jim and lets face it unless he has to change a nappy he is amazing with him (if we ignore the fact he’s banged Williams head more times than Rick Allen has banged his drums🥁)

Here are some of my favourite pictures from the week 🥰🥰🥰

Picture 1 – We were delighted to be able to borrow a freeloader carrier which personally is amazing for parents of children with special needs to be able to safely carry them to areas you would not be able to get to with a stroller or wheelchair. Unlike a baby carrier it has a seat on an reinforced hinge which means that when your child sits on it the straps are not brutally cutting into your flesh due to the weight of your lump child. Its a big expense as they are imported from America but I would honestly say they are definitely worth it and we will eventually be looking at getting one of our own 💸💸💸
Click here to check them out

Picture 2 – We’ve discussed on previous posts about Williams refusal to walk and lack of awareness when it comes to roads. Here is a prime example. We had walked for less than 2 minutes and William collapsed in the road. He makes himself go floppy so he is impossible to grab onto and will just lay wherever he has fallen an believe me he is more slippery than a bar of soap and his limbs just slide through your hands. 🧼

Picture 3 – William love bubbles but hates bath time 🛁 so after a traumatic bath which was much needed as he decided to sit in the stream we left all the bubbles in the tub for him to lay and play in. Dave took so many photos and Big Nanna sat in a chair watching him have the time of his life and I’m so glad she got to see that as she had witnessed a meltdown at the beginning of the week which I will talk about later.

Picture 4 – Dave loves the walks up in the dales and has climbed the peaks and everything… Me; no so much. My version of exercise is walking to fridge or picking up my phone to order on just eat. 🍕 We decided to spend one of our days in our little 3 person bubble and went to explore the village. Whilst sat with his dad on the bank of a deep stream William lost a one of his Wellies over the edge and Dave had to go in and fetch it… as you can see no shits were given by William at all and he is actually calmly sat on grass which is a big improvement.

Picture 5 – Dave referred to this table as a 70’s party table due to its mirrored surface. William had his first little holiday romance… with himself. It’s like he discovered his reflection for the first time and spent a good amount of his time kissing his reflection 😘 William doesn’t quite understand what a kiss is and his version is coming at your mouth with his mouth open and there is always a risk you will get bitten but its worth it, I would take a million bites for one kiss.

Picture 6 – He loved the streams that ran though the village and we went in for splashes at every opportunity. We learnt a few things on these mini adventures. My wellies had holes in (they were about 10 years old), William loves the running water and decided to wade as far as we would let him, to the point the water was over his wellies so I wasn’t the only one with wet feet and finally that he will literally just sit anywhere including in said stream 😂 It made the short walk back to cottage much longer, wetter and colder.

William had one meltdown whilst we were away and unfortunately it was the worst we have experienced so far. He went red and started screaming and repeatedly hitting himself in the face with both his hands clenched together 😢 It hurts me to see him so distressed however I now know not to try and restrain him as it makes it much worse.
Big nanna has never experienced a full meltdown and it really frightened her. I could see it in her eyes and asking me to stop him hitting himself and asking me what was wrong and to be honest I couldn’t work it out. He has been to toilet, he had eaten well and nothing he hadn’t eaten before, he had his favourite toys and Hey Duggee was on the TV. I don’t know if it was the new environment or he just wasn’t feeling himself but it really frightened her which upset me alot.

I think being told about the way someone reacts due to their additional needs is very different from seeing it first hand.
Autism in a spectrum which is so vast and complicated it is difficult for people to understand, even those who are close to someone with ASD don’t fully understand the possibilities or the limitiations and it can make explaining them exhausting 🥱

Some things never change…

The journey home was uneventful as you can see from the above picture the journey home was uneventful, either that or they just didn’t think much to mine and H’s music choices 🎶

William missed his friends back home and Rusty which was evident because as soon as he saw each of them he was so happy. He practically ran straight to our next door neighbours for cuddles, my pets and child are all starting to think they live there 😂 but in all seriousness I actually love it. He has an amazing bond with the full family and I trust the girls to take him to park and be safe with him and it takes alot for me let anyone do that. He was sat on the roundabout in park and quietly ate his packed lunch as it went round when some older kids (secondary school) asked one of the girls to make him move and she told them no, he has problems and he’s happy where he is and they just left. She has more balls than I think I would have done.

One of our other neighbours got back from their holidays today and as you can see William missed them that much he sat in their car and made himself comfortable.
GTA eat your heart out 🚗

As always much love, The Buckleys 😘

Posted in autism and covid19

Hello reality…

The world is slowly starting to settle into a new normal which sadly means the amount of posts we have shared is slowly declining.

Jobs have resumed but sadly nursery hasn’t (at least not in a William friendly way) which means we don’t have as much time as we did over the previous months were it often felt like we were spamming you with content. #sorryNOTsorry 😂

We will still be aiming to write a minimum of one post a week however please remember that we both have jobs and a very demanding toddler 🧒🏼

This year has taught us so many things already that should have been obvious.

  • Hug your family a little tighter when you can. You never know when you will be able to do it again, if ever. It will have been 113 since we last saw Big nanna.
  • Appreciate your friends, who checked in on you to make sure you were ok. I tried to check in on almost everyone, especially those I knew lived alone or had health concerns. I was shocked at how few people checked in on us and it hurt a little.
  • We are not invincible! The ‘it wont get me’ attitude was astounding during the last 3 months and for the most part they were right. It wouldn’t get them until it did! It felt like this huge thing that was happening to other people but then it hits closer to home and it really shocks you, parents, grandparents, celebrities… it had no boundaries and we are super grateful that our loved ones who were affected have since made a full recovery.
  • Appreciate your neighbours and get to know them, I can honestly say that we have never made a massive effort wherever we have lived to get to know our neighbours but during lockdown we found that they were our biggest support and comfort whilst having a cheeky brew (or beer🍻) over the garden fences and wished we had done so sooner.
  • The family that works in your corner shop, the cashier at ASDA, transport workers, support workers and many more have kept this country cared for and stocked with essentials (toilet roll 🧻) during a time when others were scared to leave their homes. Unsung heros of 2020 🦸‍♂️🦸‍♀️

I went into lockdown in panic mode, I honestly worried about my mental health and how I would cope with no professional support with William, no days spent at the office or visits with family. I cried myself to sleep about how alone I was. How each day with William felt like I was drowning and every time I got my head above water another wave would take me under. Don’t get me wrong we have had a few issues like chicken pox, ear infections and bowel problems to make matters more tense but we did it. We were strong and made the most of the time we had as a family.

Dave and I are usually like ships in the night; I work on his days off and vice versa, these past three months we have spent more time together than we have in about 5 years. We got to know each other again and did daft things like play on the playstation and go for little walks holding hands. I am so lucky to have found a man like him, blessed to have convinced him to ask me to marry him and forever thankful that he gave me William.

My forever ❤❤❤

Williams nursery is closed until September, they have offered us a place at a different site until then but we don’t think it is the best option for William as he would just start adjusting to the new site only to move again, we have been trying to keep things as routined as possible for him at home but its not always possible, I have been back working from home for 2 weeks and during my first meeting he came upstairs with a chicken nugget (successfully avoided the dog) and tried to stuff it into my ear. 🤣

I think is the beginning of a new normal, a new way in which we do things. Was the old way better than this? I guess only time will tell.

FYI. We saw Big Nanna on Sunday. William hadn’t forgotten her like she had feared. He acted as if we had never been away. She cried, I cried, we all cried 😭

Catch up with you all soon. x