Today’s topic of
conversation inner turmoil is trust. I’m not sure why but its something thats been occupying my mind a lot recently and I thought that by writing about it, it may stop running around in my head rent free.
I think we have spoken about this before in many other posts but here we go again… Trust is a huge thing for me and many of you will know why, or at least have suspicions. I value truth above all else and it is something I live by, in many cases I can be too honest and it makes me a human version of marmite; people with either find it refreshing or irritating, love it or hate it, it’s just part of who I am unless it comes to William, I sometimes find it hard being honest when I need help and will just keep going, pretending all is fine and then will write on here about how hard it can be and people will reach out, why didn’t I ask for help? Sometimes it’s a pride thing, sometimes I think that if another mom can do it why can’t I, even though our children are very different. Any way I think I’m digressing from the subject at hand here…
In any relationship trust is one of the most important thigs whether it’s the trust between partners, the trust you have in the professionals and babysitters who look after your children, the trust between an employee and their employer and the trust your child has in you. Trust is something we have in many different variations, I have a trust in the battery on my laptop, that it won’t die on me whilst I am writing this. (Currently on 26% 🔋) My main thoughts today are what we do when that trust is broken, how we can overcome it? If we can overcome it? If my battery dies, I wont trust it to last next time its low and would bring my charger downstairs but what if it’s a person that breaks that trust?
A wise person told me that once trust is broken, any form of relationship will never be the same again. That’s not to say that things can’t be good again but just not the same and we can either accept that and try to move passed it or we can write off that person and make sure we are more guarded with the next.
Protecting yourself and your children from the pain that comes with deceit is important but is it possible to shield yourself too much? We have been let down by so many medical services, local authority departments and people that I wonder if we should ever trust someone in what they say again.
Trust isn’t just about lies but about the breaking of promises or failing do something you should do.
- ‘The referral has gone through, Mrs Buckley’
- ‘I know what I’m doing’
- ‘I love you’
- ‘He on the list of allocations Marie, I made sure of it’
- ‘Your arse doesn’t look fat in those leggings’
- ‘I’m not having an affair’
- ‘It’s just a little needle, it doesn’t hurt’
- ‘William will grow out of it’
- ‘I’m ok’
- ‘It’s fine’
- ‘I’ve chased the referral’
- ‘I understand how hard things are for you and I will help’
- ‘I’ve just been for a drive’
- ‘I can do it on my own’
And my favourite silent lie… a smile 🙂.
The list is pretty much endless, but how many lies is too many? When do you just walk away? When do you change doctors? Or professionals or cut people out that you can’t trust?
There are a few people in my life that I have implicitly trusted, even fewer in William’s life and it seems that I don’t really learn my lesson. I have misplaced faith in people that talk the talk but never back it up with anything of substance. People that tell me they are doing one thing but are really doing another and just try to placate me to stop an argument (that the truth would have prevented), to stop me legal action, or to mislead me into forgetting about my rights or prevent official complaints. I think the last few years has taught me to question everything and everyone, and I’m not sure if that’s the right thing to do.
Give people the opportunity to lie to you and if they don’t, it tells you something about their character or even their professional ethics but if they do… you have to make a decision. Was it a lie? Was it broken promise or a failure of duty? What ramifications did it have? Can you trust that person to continue in their usual capacity in your lives?
Can you forget about it? Can trust ever be fully rebuilt?
I guess that’s the big questions isn’t it?
P.s, My battery is at 9%
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