Posted in Emotions

The Fall Down

Autumn is my favourite seasons. The leaves change, Hull fair snacks are readily available 😋 Halloween 🎃, Bonfire night 🔥 and Christmas🎄 are right around the corner. I can almost smell the fire smoke in the air. It slowly becoming acceptable to put the heating on and to start wearing woolly tights and boots. The clocks will go back and dark cosy nights with candles, blankets and movies are just around the corner.

But then again, I hate this season in equal measures, some days it can’t decide if its summer still and its too hot but its raining and there is no physical way to be dressed appropriately and, in my opinion, it is cold and flu season…. Traditionally this falls between December and March but in my house, it always starts in the September.

In this new world in which we live, you can imagine the first thing that comes to mind when you start coughing and sneezing all over the place and genuinely looking like the walking dead 💀 I can handle being poorly, I don’t handle it well, but I handle it 😂 William being poorly is a whole different ball game. He can’t tell me what’s wrong, so it is a guessing game from the moment his behaviour changes until he develops full symptoms… is it tonsilitis? Stomach problems? The flu? The thought process gets pretty dark… what if its measles? Did I see spots? What if its Corona? Or Ebola? Or the plague? Or maybe, just maybe, it’s just a common cold.

I know my reasoning is pretty extreme, but my point is that it’s just never possible to tell what is causing the issue until the issue itself become apparent. William reacts to many situations by shutting down, this means he will withdraw from almost everything, he will barely eat and will try to sleep for avoidance. This could be because he doesn’t want to do something like leave the house or partake in a certain activity but could also be because I had to trim his nails, stopped him eating carpet fibres or didn’t let him smear the contents of his nappy. In some instance it’s because he doesn’t feel well. How do we know the difference? There is one simple answer… we don’t!

Its purely a guessing game… I have to evaluate everything that has happened prior to his shutdown and try to figure out. This means I have to be ultra-conscious of what happens on a day to basis and must be switched on at all times. This still means I have to try isolate what could be the problem and act appropriately, if in fact any action is necessary. On some occasions, no matter how much I analyse what has happened, I get it wrong and its simply because he is coming down with something but with no prevalent symptoms, it is impossible to know until it fully hits him.

I’m not going lie, sometimes it’s exhausting and sometimes when he cries, I cry but that’s ok because it doesn’t mean I’m a bad mom or a failure. It means I am trying my best and that’s all we as parents can hope for.

Despite this I do love Fall just not the downs that come with it 🍂 xx

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