Posted in Brief updates

It will always be me

It is a strange feeling to know that it will always be me who will get up to soothe William in the night, always me that will get to kiss him goodnight and always me who will be bitten and hit during meltdowns. I never imagined I would have to try and coparent with anyone who wasn’t my spouse and it’s hard to have to stay in such close contact with someone who has hurt you so badly but it isn’t about me, its about William and he has and always will come first.

That being said I am trying hard to keep my own mental health a priority too, I have made it no secret that the last time I had a lot of changes in my life I had a breakdown and went to a dark and scary place but I came through it with a lot of help but only once I able to admit my feelings. I am very lucky to have an amazing support network who I can be open and honest with about my feelings. I can cry, shout and be irrational without being judged and I am so grateful for that.

There are many things that I am so thankful for right now. After weeks of practising William has finally mastered his first Makaton sign… I don’t think it will surprise anyone when I tell you it is for food. 🥗 that boy loves his grub! I am going to slowly introduce more signs and have invested in the Makaton core vocabulary stages 1-8 book, I bought this direct from the Makaton charity so that I know the money is going to the right place and would recommend anyone to do the same. I will keep you posted on any further developments when it arrives. Check out the video here.


William also got his first grazed knee, he was outside playing and fell which shouldn’t be a good thing but… it was the first time he put he hands out to stop his fall. It was not just a fall because he lost balance, he fell because he was excited and trying to run. He reached out to me for comfort and as I held him, he stopped crying. That wasn’t usually something I could do as he always sought his dad for comfort.


We are missing Big Nan loads 😥 Sundays aren’t really Sundays with out seeing her or having her Sunday dinners 🤤 I worry that when national lockdown ends we will go straight into localized restrictions. I know she is missing us just as much. When we call her and she asks William for a kiss, he starts kissing the phone. He does not do this for anyone else. Their bond is amazing despite spending 113 days apart in the last lockdown, not that I counted 😳

We have had many sleepless nights recently whether its because William is still adjusting to his new routine or because the poor little guy always seems to be poorly, he manages to pick up a cold more often than some people change their underwear. I swear that boy has had a constant runny nose since he was two years old. Then there are his bowel problems which means he either can’t go to toilet or that when he does they are massive explosions of nastiness… But with the help of lots of coffee and cuddles we have survived them.

Before I sign off I want to tell you about one of my solo fails recently and I apologise if I have told this story in a previous post…
William had a huge explosion during our first week alone, I’m not going to lie for a few seconds I freaked out. We were in the living room, so I stripped him off and made our way to the bathroom (which is downstairs) through the kitchen. His hands were covered in poop and I managed to prevent him touching anything except the bathroom door. Swiftly plopped him into the bathtub and hosed him down with shower, William hates bath time but seemed soothed under the stream of water and as there was no risk of drowning I left him sat in the empty bath running his hands under the shower head… My plan was to disinfect the door which was easily done and then quickly grab his dirty clothes and nappy so we could go straight back into the living room to continue whatever it was we were doing (most likely watching Little Baby Bum on Netflix📺) I’m not going to lie, I felt pretty chuffed with myself but as I pushed open the living room door that soon changed… there was poop everywhere!!! The dog had destroyed the nappy and my clean living room now resembled a port-a-loo at a festival 🤮 needless to say the experience was most definitely a learning curve and since then the dog is not left unsupervised with shitty nappies.

Oh and check out this picture, my DNA runs strong in this one…

The brows on us two 🤣

As always much love 😘, M.x

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