Posted in Emotions

Alone

In the words of Akon ‘I am so Lonely’ or in words of puppet Kim Jong Il ‘I’m So RonerySo ronery. So ronery and sadry arone’

Having a baby is very misleading; when the baby is born everyone wants to know you. they visit, bring gifts and make promises they don’t intend to keep.
As your baby gets older people start to fade away and are only occasionally spotted at birthdays or christmas time.
People stop asking you if you want to meet up for a coffee or lunch because you would have to bring the baby or because you have said no a few times due to breastfeeding or lack of childcare.

Your circle continuously gets smaller as your child gets bigger.

If your child has special needs this circle practically becomes a dot, a little bit like a reversed ripple.

I’m not sure why this happens but slowly even the people who had previously part of your lives now even fail to ask about your child on the rare occasions they speak to you.
I’m not sure if its because they don’t know how to react when you say ‘Not good…’ or because they are scared the will say the wrong thing like referring to a meltdown as a tantrum or saying things like how all children do that and will grow out of it etc. I would accept things like that as I would happily share Williams story and experiences with everyone and educate people about ASD, GDD & SPD so that those parents that come after me have a slightly larger dot.

It’s a very lonely life as a parent of a special needs child.
It becomes harder to spend time with your partner and you begin to realise why separation rates are higher for parents in our situation. Its hard to maintain that spark especially when you both work opposite shifts for childcare reasons and it can be near on impossible to get a sitter (not even mentioning COVID) due to William’s behavior which can be challenging to say the least.

Exhibit A.
That isn’t chocolate! 🤮

I think its sad. Actually no, that’s isn’t right. I think it’s disappointing. I know it’s disappointing that we lose what we thought would be our forever circle.
People who were strangers a year or two ago became those we confide in not because we upgraded or chose to leave people behind but because they understand that aching pit of despair we often feel.

I know when William goes to school we will meet parent in situations similar to ourselves and extend our circle. I’m not saying that we will bond with all his classmates parents but even one or two would be a bonus.

As always I’m not sure what my motivation was for this post but wanted other parents to know that it’s not just them and we are here for you to be part of your circles if you need us 😘